Saturday, December 02, 2006

Being alone

Living alone, travelling alone, sleeping eating and walking alone - all this puts life into a completely different and new perspective.

I feel like I've grown a lot older in these three months, but I also realised that when it comes to certain things, I'm not as 'old' as I think I am. I feel older than I am, and at the same time, I feel younger. Its the most stark and blatant paradox at this crossroad of my life.

I've learnt things about myself I didn't know before, I've also reaffirmed things I did know. I've instilled deeper faith into many of my 'beliefs'. I've made mistakes and learnt from them. I've also made mistakes and not learnt from them.

When you feel the sense of being alone so acutely, you value the people you love and care for, even more. You also realise that because they aren't alone, they don't value you in quite the same way.

The best thing about being alone is the amount of time you get to yourself. The endless hours spent in self-reflection, in mind-wanderings, in philosophical and rhetorical questions, in quests to seek answers, in finding your own answers.

The worst part of being alone is being so acutely aware of it.

Being alone makes you more vulnerable, more susceptible to hurt, trickery, loneliness (although loneliness neednt have to be something you experience only when you're alone)...the slightest hurt seems immense. If you're ill, the slighest fever feels like you're dying.

But being alone also makes you stronger, then. You know you have no one to nurse that hurt or that illness, and that you have to stand back up on your own feet again, by yourself.

Confusing eh? It's a labyrinth of contradictions. Well, all of the above does make it a bit flexuous to be alone..I like it, and I loathe it.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"When you feel the sense of being alone so acutely, you value the people you love and care for, even more. You also realise that because they aren't alone, they don't value you in quite the same way."

Very very true....

December 3, 2006 at 6:44:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger vichchoobhai said...

The Solitude of Alexander Selkirk

December 3, 2006 at 1:07:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Woman?? said...

Not in the least bit confusing.
Makes perfect sense.

December 5, 2006 at 2:07:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Recho said...

hmmm.... i concur...

but as with all things in life the abnormal becomes normal and you might begin to ignore all that you've learnt. learn to remind yourself. just dont get paranoid in the process :)

December 5, 2006 at 4:04:00 PM GMT+5:30  

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