Monday, November 13, 2006

Us: The tip of the iceberg...

"But without you, I can't breathe!
You're the air to me!"

I can never really know why fate brought us together. It works in mysterious ways. But if I may be presumptious enough to know my own fate, I believe it brought us together for a reason. It's simple, repeated indefinitely since the beginning of time, etched into existence forever by writers and poets alike, and it's cliched...but it's true - We complete each other. Without each other, we can't breathe freely!

"Touching your face, I feel the heat
Of your heartbeat echo in my head like a scream"

From the moment he spoke his first word to me on the phone, I felt different. We'd never met, and yet I felt drawn to him inexplicably. We only talked for a few seconds. But I felt we connected. Beyond description, beyond explanation, beyond reason even. And over the coming days, we felt more and more connected to each other. A connection we couldn't explain even to ourselves, let alone each other, or the rest of the world...And now, two years later..we can feel eachother's heartbeats even though we're miles apart. I know from his first word to me everyday, how he feels. I feel it instantly. And he knows, from the moment I say "hello" on the phone, if I am happy, or sad. His heart beats within my chest. I know when he's happy, and I feel ecstatic. I know when he's sad, and I feel depressed. That's just how it is.

"Everytime I cry your name at night,
You pull close and say it's alright."

He's stood by me, unconditionally. Through everything. And I hope I have, too. We make eachother feel better, whenever we're feeling down. We've seen eachother through the best and worst times. I know my day becomes better instantly, the minute I speak to him. And when I'm with him, I'm never sad. Sure, once in a blue moon, we might've gotten a bit miffed with eachother (angry is too strong a word), but it's always ended either in laughter or in a serious talk followed by laughter. He's sat up nights with me when I've cried. And when we do cry, we cry to eachother. Long ago, I once cried from 3 am to 8 am, a bit intoxicated and terribly upset, and I know in retrospect that he must've been dying to sleep, but he stayed awake with me, talking to me, telling me it's going to be alright, until I fell asleep. When he says "It's going to be alright" or "I won't let anything happen to you", it's the first time I've actually believed someone. We try with all that we've got, to make eachother feel safe, and comforted, and protected. I want to protect him from anything bad that comes his way. And for me, the safest place in the world is the space between his chest and his outstretched interlocked arms, where I so perfectly seem to fit. When I'm with him, everything really does seem alright. I don't see any ugliness, I don't feel anything but happiness, and I feel like I can cope with anything.

"Whenever I'm alone I'm thinking,
there's a part missing from my life.
Wonder where I'd be without your love,
Holding me together..."

When I'm without him, I do feel incomplete. I feel like there's a part of me missing. As for contentment...I believe the time that I really really feel it, is when I can see him, feel him, touch him, talk to him face to face, sit on his lap, slip my hand into his. I would be a different person without his love, today. And I don't really think he'd be the same, either. Without his love holding me together, I'd have fallen apart a long time ago. Or at the very least, I'd never have known what it is to feel true, solid love. I would never have really loved. And never really have lived. We would've been just another two humans "depriving the others of their oxygen".

"Waited so long, I can't wait another day without you!"

We don't see as much of each other as we should, I don't think we'll ever get enough of eachother.We feel like we've waited too long and that we just can't wait another day, just can't go on without eachother...but something keeps us going..I guess it's the anticipation of the absolute comfort, safety and security we feel when we're together. But there are days when I feel like I'm going to explode. There are times when I feel like I'll suffocate if I don't see him now. And I know there are times when he's pulling his hair out, wondering why on earth he let me go so far away...But we pull through. Together. I'm strong when he feels weak. He lifts me up, when I'm feeling down. We balance eachother out.

"Hold on, just a little bit longer!....
.....No more nights alone, I'm almost home now."

It's just a matter of a month or so, now. I'm going to see him next month. And it won't be long before this seperation comes to an end, for good. I can almost see the smile in his eyes, when he sees me at the arrivals at the airport, I can feel my cheeks burn with happiness when I see that smile, I can almost feel myself shaking, when he takes me into his arms, holding me with so much care, as though I were made out of glass. Oh god, I can't wait!! But I've got to hold on, just a little bit longer.

Love is said to be one of the most complex emotions. People shy away from it, people are afraid of it. There are so many complications where love is concerned, they say. Love is overrated, others say. Some would say none of us even know what love is.

Well, whatever name you give it, however complicated you say it is, however frightful and avoidable it may be for some, I'm in it. We are in it. And's beautiful.

Jet City, baby.

No, the 13th of November is not the day we first met, or first said "i love you" to eachother, or first kissed, or started going out. We don't really have a 'special day' like that, as such.(although, i must sheepishly admit, I do remember when all that happened). Don't need a special day. Our enthusiasm to celebrate "us" never waned since before the day him and i became an "us".
This is just a random post, on a random day, about a very important part of my life.


Blogger tharunya said...

That was beautifully written. I had tears in my eyes at the end :)

I liked "eachother" :)

Um... double-posted? I hope you're going to delete the other one!

November 14, 2006 at 3:34:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Sylvan Goddess said...

:) I was feeling pretty emotionally charged up while writing it, myself. It's probably one of the more difficult posts I've ever written. Nothing I write about us ever seems good enough...I feel like I can't really do justice to 'us' with words.

Anyway, really glad you liked it. :)

November 14, 2006 at 4:47:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Ganesh said...

Love you, cuddloo. That's all i can say right now. Love you gazillions :D

November 14, 2006 at 11:24:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Darshan said...


November 14, 2006 at 2:09:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Ady said...

Awwww that's so beautiful! Love like that is rare! You go, girl! :)

November 15, 2006 at 8:52:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous sniff snifff said...

about love you talk, i know the words :)

p.s. i still hate google, plus i'm a little psychotic when it comes to emotions

November 16, 2006 at 2:06:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Sylvan Goddess said...

:) AWWWWW sniff sniff! HUG!

November 16, 2006 at 4:30:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous M said...

Hey...ever considered writing for a living?? Like..being a novelist or something? I love your writing! :) Nice post, this.

November 16, 2006 at 4:34:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Jeanette said...

you write like a daydream!
I wish I could send you on a plane back to India right now,
so you could see Ganesh!

Not long till Christmas! Hold on to that.
- Jeanette

November 17, 2006 at 1:07:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Ceci said...

This is really good! :)

November 17, 2006 at 6:20:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Guddee Buee said...

I cant believe my little cuddlums has grown up so much and has experienced such incomprehensible love! It's exquisite... hope your wishes and dreams get wings that carry you over to your verve 'Ganesh' right away!

Love you sweetie... always keep that faith in love!

November 17, 2006 at 6:57:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Sylvan Goddess said...

BUAAAAAAA!!!! :D love you too!

November 17, 2006 at 7:13:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Scatterplots said...

"although, i must sheepishly admit, I do remember when all that happened"

whilst little shilo sat out in toto's balcony counting stars on her fingers?
after reading that I'm all "awwww"

November 18, 2006 at 6:32:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was a pleasure to read this...It made me happy. Thank you. :)

November 18, 2006 at 9:06:00 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Sylvan Goddess said...

scatterplots!!loads of hugs back! hehehehe. that night you were counting the stars, i was too...counting my lucky stars :)

love ya!

November 19, 2006 at 9:58:00 AM GMT+5:30  
Anonymous lahseero said...

That was beautifully written...

December 1, 2006 at 6:33:00 AM GMT+5:30  

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