Saturday, February 24, 2007

Thom Yorke - Analyse

A self-fulfilling prophecy of endless possibilty
You roll in reams across the street
In algebra, in algebra

The fences that you cannot climb
The sentences that do not rhyme
In all that you can ever change
The one you're looking for

It gets you down
It gets you down

There's no spark
No light in the dark

It gets you down
It gets you down
You traveled far
What have you found
That there's no time
There's no time
To analyse
To think things through
To make sense

Like cows in the city, they never looked so pretty
By power cuts and blackouts
Sleeping like babies

It gets you down
It gets you down
You're just playing a part
You're just playing a part

You're playing a part
Playing a part
And there's no time
There's no time
To analyse

The sound of silence

"People talking without speaking........And no one dared disturb the sound of silence"
A friend of mine once told me, "I could never understand how the two of you could sit across a table in silence, just looking at each other - smiling and talking through your eyes"

I miss that soooo much.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I wish I could feel nothing. Just for a while.
I'm tired of feeling things, I'm tired of crying...
I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of waiting.
I wish I could just...disappear for a while.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Apologist

I'm not quite sure what R.E.M meant by that song 'The Apologist", but I sure as hell have something to say.

In my previous post (which I have deleted), I spoke some truths, but they were harshly and cruelly spoken, due to incidents that I'm not going to go into again. No justification...I hurt some of the people who meant and will go on to mean a lot to me in my year here in Liverpool.

This is an apology.

I'm really sorry that you had to read that. Given the fact that I hadn't spoken out before, it must've been a nasty shock and a betrayal for most of you, specially for the ones it wasn't directed towards at all. For those of you I spoke to, I told you what I meant and why I said it...but specially for those who I havent spoken to basically all boils down to the fact that...well, despite everything, I love you guys..and I'm really happy and relieved that you have been there for me, in whatever way you can.

I was frustrated and annoyed and upset about everything, and I was trying to defend a fellow classmate in a stupid manner. That's no excuse..but by judging me by the 6 months you've known me, you have the liberty to decide what I meant. And I will totally understand your decision, whatever it is.

Thank you, those of you who've been there for me even at this rough time, and thank you to those who didn't misunderstand me, and thank you even to those who kept the fire from spreading to other areas.

"I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind" - 'Clementine Kruchinisky' in 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Nope...decided not to post anything. No point. Nothing to say. Too much going on inside my head...I can't even find the words to put down in writing.

Hoping for better days.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

The scent of a --man.

Woke up in the morning and started my daily ritual...Got out of bed, sat with my razai wrapped around me in front of the computer, logged on to msn to talk to Ganesh, checked the weather on the BBC website, went to the CNN-IBN website to check on news back home...browsing through it, I came across this rather strange bit of news -

Why women love men's sweat smell

Hmmm interesting.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Lessons learnt

Thought I'd write a new distract from the last one...

Again I am reminded about why I ever entered the blog world, despite being against it my entire life previously. I am reminded once more, of a conversation I had with Robin on the subject. He said it perfectly.."Sometimes I just want to vent."

There is a reason I didn't allow comments on my blog about my toto's birthday..because I would hear well-intended but reduntant gyaan about it without anyone knowing what it's really like for me to go through something like that. Perhaps I should've done the same with 'Why didn't she scream'...While I know all the comments on the previous post were all well-intended and heartfelt...some things were said that are the easiest things in the world to say. But if you're actually put in that situation, it doesn't seem so easy anymore. Nor does it seem rational.

And panic should never be under-estimated. It's a very powerful thing. It can make a victim weaker, but it can also make an attacker stronger. A scream, or a badly aimed kick in the balls could have left the attacker panicking and that could've led to a physical assault as well as a sexual assault, said the police. Due to panic.

I'm writing this for the women (what the hell..even the men) I care for and worry about, here in Liverpool and back home - a few tips from the Liverpool Police.

If you suspect an attack - Don't engage with an attacker. Avoid eye contact. Cross the road over to the other side if you suspect someone on the pavement.

If you're going home and you're being followed, take the busiest streets and walk into a shop or a restaurant.

Don't carry a weapon with you. A thug will almost always be physically stronger and capable of overpowering you. Pepper Spray, Shock guns, pocket bringing them out could lead to a struggle, and you might be the one ending up with burning/blind eyes, in shock on the floor, or stabbed.

Don't hit your attacker unless you've been trained in self-defense by a professional. In all likelihood, your punches and kicks will only anger the attacker and he could retaliate. You might end up assaulted and beaten up, as well.

If you can, without engaging with the attacker, just run. Scream only on busy streets where you know you'll be heard. If you scream when there's no one around, he'll just bash your face in.

If you are mugged, let them take what they want. Nothing materialistic is worth your life.

Report it to the police immediately.

I suppose all this doesn't count if you know you're going to be killed or if you are actually being raped...then the best thing to do would be to scream your lungs out, hit him wherever you can, put up a fight..

All cities have good areas and bad areas...but unfortunately every once in a while, incidents happen in so called good areas as well. Please be careful everyone.

Oh, and the most obvious but also the most taken for granted rule - dont walk alone at night.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Why didn't she scream?

Nightmare on Hope Street. It began at around two. She saw him staggering towards her. He'd had a drink..a few. And as he walked on closer, her worst fears came true. He looked her straight in the eye. In that instant, she knew. She froze in space and time.Paralysed by fear. She could not move a muscle, even as he drew near.

He threw himself right at her. "I have no money" she said. He said he didn't want it. She thought he'd strike her dead. And then he crumbled to the floor pretending he fell down. "I'm sorry, love" he stammered. And groped her all around.

In pain, she muffled her cries. In fear of being silenced forever. Her fear of death had never been stronger than it was during this endeavour.

With a deep intake of breath, she pulled herself together. She pushed and ran, till her baited breath had reached the end of its tether. She ran and ran till she reached her room, feeling her fear so deep. Shocked and dazed, she crawled into bed, and simply went to sleep.

The morning came, and with it hurt and pain..."What could I have said, what should I have done?" But really, all she could do was feel stupid again.

What could she have done?
What should she have said?
Why was she so muffled?
Why wasn't he dead?
Why didn't she strike?
Why wasn't it a dream?
Why was she so passive?
....Why didn't she scream?

Friday, February 02, 2007

Wonders of a camera phone...

I wish I was with you today, baby. :)
But I'm sure you're having a blast in Bombay, so...Have a wild weekend!!
Missing you like to you on monday!
Love you.