Friday, September 01, 2006

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane.

Strange day. I've been happy, sad, excited and scared. Completely contrary collision of emotions.

But it's comforting to know that I've experienced this yo-yo syndrome before. And that eventually things stabilise.

Today was my last day in Delhi before I head out to Liverpool. As it hits me hard once again as I type this, I manage to deep breathe into serenity.

It's been a difficult day in many ways, mainly because I've had to say a lot of goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. They make me uneasy. And I've been saying it since noon. I'm still not done yet.

It all started with Anupam who came to see me off on an empty stomach and a huge appetite. Nishi joined us halfway through lunch. And then we went out. Beer. We headed home, and Sammy trotted up the stairs, as I climbed down them to see Anupam out to his car. Then Sammy, Nishi, Vanya and I went out again. The Big Chill. Penne with Vodka. And then Chonas. Beer again. Girija joined us there. Then we came home.Sammy said bye. Giri said bye. And Nishi's mum came to pick her up and said bye, Nishi and I said bye(Silly girl...in the words of Ozzy Osbourne - No more tears!!). I got home, met my cousins, my aunt and uncle, my grandmothers, and then Mahi and Rohan bid me farewell. I know I'll miss them dearly.

Saying goodbye to my grandmothers and my four year old little cousin was particularly moving. My grandmothers, for obvious reasons. I hope I see them soon. And my cousin, because she just couldn't understand "buth whyyyy" I was leaving her and going away for so long. I'm definitely going to long to hear "Cudddeeee didiiii"!

I spoke to Hari on the phone. My 'soul-brother'. That was nice. Reassuring, comforting. I'm going to miss him a LOT, but I know I'll see him soon.

Being hopelessly, unconditionally and madly in love makes it a little bit more difficult to say goodbye, and to leave. The last thing I did for the day, was to speak to Ganesh. It's difficult to measure the love I feel, so I didn't try. We talked. About how happy he was that I was finally going to do what I wanted. About how I'm going to be so close by once I'm back. But as usual, a lot of things were said that I'd rather keep to 'ourself'. We didn't say goodbye though. I can never get myself to do that. Because well..him and goodbye - they just don't go together.